?

if only i did this better.. if only i can be like her.. if only.. if only..
sejujurnya, kebelakangan ni, ade beberapa kali tdetik dlm ati bnde2 cmni.. sometimes, it makes me feel as if i am not grateful for what i have.. Ya Allah, jauhkanlah hatiku dr perasaan ini..

~2 yrs~

it's been 2 yrs, and here i am.. being blessed with a loving husband and an adorable son.. apa kbaikan yg saya dh lakukan sehingga saya dirahmati sebegini rupa oleh Allah Yang Maha Esa? soalan yg salah! Allah tidak pernah pilih kasih thadap umatNya, kita yg slalu pilih kasih thadap Dia..

sejujurnya, saya lupa kewujudan blog saya ini sehinggalah saya tergerak hati utk membuka kembali email saya yg lama.. Ya Allah, memang saya btol2 lupa sehinggakan saya telahpun mbuka satu lagi blog baru, yg mne agk lme juga saya tglkan.. nape saya ble tergerak hati? do not ask me that, because i don't have the answer either.. mgkin utk mengingatkn saya ttg dri saya yg sebenarnya..

dan sejujurnya juga, saya bru mbaca komen yg sahabat saya hantar 2 thun yg lepas.. hahha.. i was smiling alone while reading her msg.. thanks darl.. :)

and my azam is, to blog myself here, at least to make myself at ease.. so hafizah jaiyidah, pls b consistent.. cayo chaiyokkkk!!

~ i'm trying..... ~

after what happened these past few days, i felt something that is difficult for me to explain.. looking at bak while he was sleeping, was a 'kesyahduan' for me.. at that moment, i scold myself for not being a good daughter for my one and only father.. dh bpe kali aku punahkan harapan bak, dan bak sllu bsedia memaafkn aku.. and every single time, i was given another chance.. npe aku sllu x alert ngn harapan, hati dan prasaan ma ngn bak..? the answer is simple.. sbb aku x bsungguh.. and i really hope that i would be able to be better for my parents, InsyaAllah.. *i'mtryingtobebetter*

~ bila kita rse idop ni x adil............ ~

pernah x tjadi, ujan trun lebat sgt, tp korg lupe bawak payung. sudahnye, korg pun basah kuyup, sejuk xyah ckap la.. tapi, time korg dah ready dh pakai baju hujan, dh de bnyi guruh dh pun, tp ttibe je, panas terik plak. frust x korg?

lg 1 scene.. korg nk g kje ni, dh lmbat, tkan mnyak smpai rapat, tapi trip korg selalu terhalang.. time ni la, tiap traffic lite yg korg lalu, sume merah.. kebetuln plak, de lori tanah kt dpan kete korg.. jap2 korg tkan mnyak, jap2 kne tkn brek.. dh la nk cpat, tension lg.. yg pliknye, mse korg rse nk drive slow2 je, nk sentimental sket smbil lyn lagu, org len plak dok tekan hon, mntak korg cpat sbb jln 1 lane.. korg rse skit ati x?

agak2 korg, npe ek cmtu? npe len yg kite nk, len yg jdi? kdg2 smpai kite pikir, x adil sguh idop ni kt kite..

snang nye, nnti, klu2 len kali korg terpikir lg cmni, korg cbe ltak situasi ni dlm sudut positif.. pikir, tu cre alam entertain kite. tu cre alam ajak kita senyum, gelakkan diri kite sdiri dan bergurau scre nyata. Kejengkelan itu ade sbb kite tak cuba adapt ngan keadaan. kite cme pentingkan diri sdiri. kite lupe 1 bnde, klu keinginan kite x tcapai, x bmakne ape yg blaku tu buruk ksannye ke atas kite.. mungkin de hikmahnye npe jdi cmtu.. tak ada salahnya kite wat slambe je, dal lg best, kte snyum je wlaupun stakat snyum tawar.. *imtryingreallyhard*

~ i feel goooooooodddddddd.. ~ ~winkwink~

i feel gooooooooodddddd.. hehe.. ari ni aku rse happy lak, don't really know why, tapi aku rse best.. **grateful** my students today, they really know how to please me.. i'm happy with them, and though i felt a bit awkward teaching these "adults" at first, but they make me feel comfortable.. rse cm dorg sekepale ngn aku.. dan aku arap, sepanjang sem ni, i won't be having any problem with them..

and, i'm thinking of starting a business on my own.. haven't decided yet what kind of business i'm supposed to involve.. mungkin yg aku pn dh consume, sbb klu ble, aku nk bisnes bnde yg memang aku dh rse kesannye.. hmm.. ape ek..? **thinking**

^ still trying ^

rse sayu je pg ni, ntah nape, i really don't know.. rse cm nk namgis pn de.. yg aku tau, aku rse rndu kt ma ngn bak.. **imsad**

## b'campur baur ##

aku xtau pe yg aku rase skang.. segalanya bcampur baur.. i need to decide, whether to hold on, or to let go.. uih.. sakitnye rase.. :( *imconfused*