~ i'm trying..... ~

after what happened these past few days, i felt something that is difficult for me to explain.. looking at bak while he was sleeping, was a 'kesyahduan' for me.. at that moment, i scold myself for not being a good daughter for my one and only father.. dh bpe kali aku punahkan harapan bak, dan bak sllu bsedia memaafkn aku.. and every single time, i was given another chance.. npe aku sllu x alert ngn harapan, hati dan prasaan ma ngn bak..? the answer is simple.. sbb aku x bsungguh.. and i really hope that i would be able to be better for my parents, InsyaAllah.. *i'mtryingtobebetter*

~ bila kita rse idop ni x adil............ ~

pernah x tjadi, ujan trun lebat sgt, tp korg lupe bawak payung. sudahnye, korg pun basah kuyup, sejuk xyah ckap la.. tapi, time korg dah ready dh pakai baju hujan, dh de bnyi guruh dh pun, tp ttibe je, panas terik plak. frust x korg?

lg 1 scene.. korg nk g kje ni, dh lmbat, tkan mnyak smpai rapat, tapi trip korg selalu terhalang.. time ni la, tiap traffic lite yg korg lalu, sume merah.. kebetuln plak, de lori tanah kt dpan kete korg.. jap2 korg tkan mnyak, jap2 kne tkn brek.. dh la nk cpat, tension lg.. yg pliknye, mse korg rse nk drive slow2 je, nk sentimental sket smbil lyn lagu, org len plak dok tekan hon, mntak korg cpat sbb jln 1 lane.. korg rse skit ati x?

agak2 korg, npe ek cmtu? npe len yg kite nk, len yg jdi? kdg2 smpai kite pikir, x adil sguh idop ni kt kite..

snang nye, nnti, klu2 len kali korg terpikir lg cmni, korg cbe ltak situasi ni dlm sudut positif.. pikir, tu cre alam entertain kite. tu cre alam ajak kita senyum, gelakkan diri kite sdiri dan bergurau scre nyata. Kejengkelan itu ade sbb kite tak cuba adapt ngan keadaan. kite cme pentingkan diri sdiri. kite lupe 1 bnde, klu keinginan kite x tcapai, x bmakne ape yg blaku tu buruk ksannye ke atas kite.. mungkin de hikmahnye npe jdi cmtu.. tak ada salahnya kite wat slambe je, dal lg best, kte snyum je wlaupun stakat snyum tawar.. *imtryingreallyhard*

~ i feel goooooooodddddddd.. ~ ~winkwink~

i feel gooooooooodddddd.. hehe.. ari ni aku rse happy lak, don't really know why, tapi aku rse best.. **grateful** my students today, they really know how to please me.. i'm happy with them, and though i felt a bit awkward teaching these "adults" at first, but they make me feel comfortable.. rse cm dorg sekepale ngn aku.. dan aku arap, sepanjang sem ni, i won't be having any problem with them..

and, i'm thinking of starting a business on my own.. haven't decided yet what kind of business i'm supposed to involve.. mungkin yg aku pn dh consume, sbb klu ble, aku nk bisnes bnde yg memang aku dh rse kesannye.. hmm.. ape ek..? **thinking**

^ still trying ^

rse sayu je pg ni, ntah nape, i really don't know.. rse cm nk namgis pn de.. yg aku tau, aku rse rndu kt ma ngn bak.. **imsad**

## b'campur baur ##

aku xtau pe yg aku rase skang.. segalanya bcampur baur.. i need to decide, whether to hold on, or to let go.. uih.. sakitnye rase.. :( *imconfused*

{ - sedih - }

these past few days, i keep on thinking about my parents.. sibuk, memang sibuk minggu ni, but i don't know why, aku slalu t'ingat kt ma+bak.. slasa ni, ma+bak nk btolak g umrah, dan xtau nape, aku jadi sayu bile ingat psl tu.. everytime i think about them, i end up crying..
aku tingat muke ma yg dok masak, bpeluh2 kt dapo.. t'ingat kt bak yg t'tido kt atas sofa dpan tv.. t'ingat kt sikap aku yg kadang2 degil, dan xbuat ape yg spatutnye aku buat.. what should i do to overcome this feeling..? **i'mcrying**

~ love is subjective ~

the smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
the touch of your hand says you catch me wherever i fall
you say it best when you say nothing at all

what is love actually? mse aku mude rmaje dlu, aku sllu mbayangkan cinta, sayang, kasih dan yg sewaktu dgn nye, adalh sesuatu yg perlu diungkapkan, sesuatu yg perlu ditunjukkan di khalayak scre maksimum.. entah npe, agaknye sbb aku lurus sgt kot time tu.. hehe.. *mkemlu*

mse dh blalu, dan serentak dgn itu, usia aku pn btmbah.. and then i realized that i'm almost 26!! *xcye* at the age of 26, aku sdar yg aku ni masih lgi manje ngn ma+bak.. dan bak ngan ma pon masih lagi mlayan prangai aku ni, as if i'm 18.. hehe.. care ma+bak layan aku, itulah yg dikatakan kasih sayang yg xde tolok bandingnye.. and now i'm trying to express my love towards them, in a way that nobody can understand, not even me.. *blur*

ma+bak, jah sayang sgt ma+bak, sehingga ke akhirnye!!

after a short while.. (short? muahahaha..)

it's been like.. mm.. a month since my last post.. hehe.. lots of things happened, and it changed my life, in positive way.. *happy*

i'm now trying to improve myself in term of patience.. i think that i should be more patient, especially when driving.. haha! hopefully, by the end of this year, i manage to do that.. *winking*

a week of dot.. dot.. dot..

it has been such a busy week.. bru menyewa lbih kurang 3bulan, air plak kne potong.. imagine what i felt when i came back from work, knowing that there's no water.. kecepush! rse cam nk mjerit je.. pemilik rumah ni mmang agak sukar nak b'urusan, but aku x sangke smpai cmni skali.. then my housemates and i decided that we should look for a new house.. mcari ni 1 hal lgi.. cri punye cri, dapat 1 umah, dan syukur, lagi elok dr umah sbelumnya, dan sewa yg lagi murah.. hehe.. and last night was the first night i slept at the new house.. proses pemindahan tu dlm proses.. Allah permudahkan kami, walaupun tahap stamina dah hampir x de dah, asyik bkejar ke sane sni.. nak blik ari ni pn xlrat, so i decided that i will go home tomorrow lah.. nk drive 5jam tu, nk kne ckup tdo lu.. ehehe.. feel sleepy rite now, sb tu layan prasaan je.. **grateful**

Sneezing

not feeling well today.. asyik bersin je dr pg td.. hope that i'll be okay by noon.. mm.. mood pon kurang jdnye.. ni tgh pujuk dri sdri, x nak bnde ni pengaruh aku sgt.. hehe..

seronok + puas ati = idop bahgie **winkwink**

sronoknye rse ari ni!! hehe.. rse cam puas ati sgt2, rse cam pe yg aku wat x sie2..

now is one of the best moment i've ever had.. i finally understand how to handle my students.. and today, i can see that they have changed.. it's a satisfaction, real satisfaction.. x tau nak gambarkan cmne, rse tharu pon de.. hehe.. sentimental la plak.. *winkwink* there was a time when a student of mine came to me, and he told me this: "cik, mintak restu berkat ilmu.." i was stunned, and i actually asked him to repeat that.. speechless.. airmate pon dah bgenang dah time tu.. all i can say is xpe, saye sentiase doakan kamu.. the whole day, i felt really2 appreciated..

i used to have a problem in communicating with my students.. aku rase mcm susah nak sesuaikn dri ngn budak2 ni, jarak umo pn xbanyak beza ngn aku.. i didn't know how to treat them.. ade satu kejadian yg mne aku hampir nak nangis, sbb aku rse cam susah sgt nk paham dorg.. tu blom lagi time dorg x anta assignment, time dorg x denga pe yg aku aja kat depan, time dorg membalas balik ape yg aku cakap.. kadang2 smpai mgeletar tangan, smpai panas rse muke bile tahan marah.. tpi lama kelamaan, aku pikir, kalau dorg x ble ikut rentak aku, bia aku je la yg ikut rentak dorg.. and Alhamdulillah, i managed to understand them, dan aku ble rse yg dorg nye response lgi bes dr awal2 dlu.. hehe.. smbil2 paham dorg, aku try tegur dorg sket2, psl attitude, psl bahasa dorg.. and i think that they started to change..

the value is.. tolerate more, and you'll get the satisfaction.. tpi dlm tolak-ansur tu, perlu ade gak tegas nye.. and for my students, thank you for helping me in understanding you.. *appreciated*

I'm happy

a fresh start.. hehe.. feeling happy, maybe for having enough sleep last night (overdose, actually..).. skang tgh layan lagu bryan adams, feel je.. haha.. tetibe terpikir plak psl diri sendiri.. i'm grateful.. when i look back to the time when i was younger, i've never thought that i would be at this stage.. bukan la kate aku mcapai sume yg aku nak, but life is much much more better now.. there are things that i've accomplished already, and that really satisfies me.. **smilingalone**

My 1st time

relieved!! hehe.. that's what I feel right now.. i've been thinking about blogging like a month before, after one of my friends tell me that it would be a satisfaction doing this.. sharing what i feel with those around me.. i guess a try won't harm me.. ehehe.. so, here i am, launching my own blog.. haha! it's official!!